More and more, I’ve seen individuals partake in a personal “social media detox.”

A social media detox is a conscious elimination of social media use for a set period of time. While some choose to take time away from social media to rest their minds or minimize their time in front of a screen, others participate in the detox based on the premise that social media is “toxic.” And that’s where I don’t agree.  

It’s easy to consider social media toxic when you think of it as anything other than a tool. In the same way salt is a condiment or a tool for enhancing food, social media is a tool for networking, communication, business, relationships, etc. 

A message in itself may be toxic, and a way of thinking may be toxic, but a platform is not toxic. It’s simply a medium through which expression occurs. Although the expression or user-generated content may be toxic, a platform is still just a host for that expression. 

You see, our perceptions, assumptions, and mindsets are the toxic agents. They introduce and generate comparison, fear, joy, excitement, doubt, hope, worry, or jealousy based on the way images and text are processed. An internal response stems from the way your mind chooses to receive a message. 

Our ideas of the way things should be changes the way we will perceive those things. For example, when I signed up for Instagram, I knew I was entering a space where I believed all users would post only the best representation of themselves in the best pictures. I even acknowledged that some of the content would be edited and manipulated in such a way to simulate perfection, even if not originally so. 

Thus, when I see “perfect” posts, I am not tempted toward comparison or even judgment because I recognize that’s what the platform is for. 

Our attitude toward social media is individualistic. The level of toxicity we perceive in social media is personal and results from our thinking tendencies. 

Assuming social media is toxic, how many social media detoxes would it take before being able to use social media freely, with immunity to its toxicity and without the need for regular detox? 

Or is social media a toxic dungeon we subject ourselves to due to a lack of discernment in selecting a healthy environment or as an escape from a less-desirable reality? 

Chances are if you need to detox from something, it was never any good for you to begin with… 

If the idea of social media toxicity arises out of our own unstable interpretation of ourselves and reality through insecurities, then we need to create systems of checks and balances within our minds to move past the defense mechanism that is quick to label unwelcome feelings brought by social media posts as toxic.

To understand this, I often give a personal example of how I approach fear. I am personally not afraid of anything. I cannot rationalize fear; therefore, I do not accept it. 

If someone asks, 

“What about the dark?” I say I’ll turn the lights on.

“What about bugs and critters?” I’m big enough to crush them beneath my feet.

“What about death?” As a born-again Christian, I know where I’m going. 

I take everything else one step at a time and move forward in prayer through everything.

The same concept can be applied to perceived toxicity in social media. Often, our desire to have a social media detox originates from deeper internal issues than the content itself. Ask yourself why you need to detox. Is it comparison? Fear-of-missing-out? Jealousy? Addiction? Sadness? 

As you browse social media platforms, do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you feel like you’re not good enough? My advice is to get out of your head! Realize your inherent value simply by virtue of being human. 

If you feel the need to compare, remind yourself that everyone is unique and everyone possesses a treasure that only they can release to the world. If you feel inadequate, remind yourself that you are only viewing a corner of someone’s reality. In fact, the corner they show may not even be a reality at all. If you are struck with jealousy or fear-of-missing-out, go put on a fun outfit and create your own adventure; document it too! 

More specifically, I have also noticed the hashtag #MakeInstagramCasual circulate on Instagram recently as if Instagram’s existence doesn’t depend on you. The whole purpose of social media is to connect with others through user-generated content. In other words, social media is as casual or high stakes as you make it.

Ultimately, the hashtag provides an excuse to post anything a user perceives to be of lower quality. The hashtag is meant to protect from pressure and social judgment. It almost works as an assurance to self that the platform is being used correctly and a subtle way to guilt all those who are not posting “casually.”     

As a healthy social media user, your goal should be to adopt a neutral perspective. Take in each image and message with context. Forgo the hasty declaration of toxicity and look internally instead. Understand that content can never be more valuable than you are. 

The existence of social media, the perpetuation of trends, and content usefulness all depend on you, the user. Challenge your mind. Take back control of what you’ve always owned.

My media ethics professor sent the class an email asking if it is possible for a good person to be wrong. 

I think it is only right to ask the opposite as well. Is it possible for a bad person to be right? But that is not the point. The point is: what makes a person good and what makes one bad?

Does it depend on individual ethical systems? Can you only be deemed good or bad when judged within the context of someone’s moral environment?

I guess that’s why people like religion. It’s simple. It’s a set of standards that apply across cultures, environments, peoples, languages, and other categories.

I’ve always said that my ethics and definition of capital-T-Truth comes from God and having a personal relationship with Him. I don’t believe in “religion” because I think it’s man’s way of putting God in a box and making out of him what they want, according to their interpretations, and what they are comfortable with.

Anyway, my class talked a lot about how dangerous it is to operate with certainty. And the thing is, there are many ideas I hold of which I am certain of their Truth. I understand the danger of thinking so but, at the same time, I also think truths often need evidence or proof of their veracity. 

When it comes to the things of God, I know He is real and the things He says are true because of my personal experiences with Him. I have had dreams and visions, experienced Him speaking to me in real life, and watched Him work in my life. I have even experienced healing in my own body and seen it in others in ways that left doctors surprised.

God is known by experience or not at all. It’s the same way you know your spouse, parents, or kids. You spend time with them and, after a while, you could pick out their voice in a crowd of 100 people.

Now, imagine how strongly I hold fast to these things. Then, imagine how difficult it is for me to hear others not believe these things or oppose the truths I believe are capital-T. Being aware of my thinking patterns helped me understand the inherent tension found in empathy. In his email to the class, my professor said,

“Empathy does not require that we forget ourselves while slipping into another person’s concerns. But can WE minimize harm while fighting for what we believe? Can we be right and still show compassion for the wrong?”

For some reason, those words affected me. Showing compassion while also fighting for what I believe has been a difficult balance for me to find. But not because of a lack of willingness to have compassion on my part. Instead, I am a very passionate person. When I believe something, I’ll stand for it no matter what. But in my passionate belief of what I hold to be true, I know that having compassion for others opposing that truth does not have to be mutually exclusive. And in fact, even the Bible talks about having compassion, love, and patience for others. It teaches that no person is more or less than another person. We all began in the same place, and we are all considered worthy of Jesus’ sacrifice.

I have to remind myself of this often. Especially during a global pandemic where there is a lot of debate, uncertainty, and pointing fingers. 

I always say that I don’t like to debate because why would I waste energy and emotions trying to convince others of something when I know I’m right? But now, I’d call that very dangerous territory.

So, I have changed my perspective. It’s not about convincing anyone of anything. And it’s not about getting worked up over the fact that someone ardently opposes what you believe. It’s about listening. Showing others that you care about what they have to think and say. It’s about having a discussion. Being able to speak and think about things that are contradictory but existing at the same time. 

I think that if we can do that, we will be able to find gaps in our certainties and adjust our thinking more and more toward the truth.

If we know why we do what we do and why we think how we think, maybe we can begin to understand why others think what they think as well– and have more compassion in doing so.

I don’t use curse words.

In fact, I’ve never physically spoken a curse word.

Yeah, I know… I’m that person.

To start, curse words were never actively present in my childhood reality. My parents and other communities I was a part of did not use them, so I was first exposed to them during the later years of grade school. 

I’ve never been one to follow trends. In school, I intentionally opposed fads so nobody could think of me as a copy or anything less than my authentic self.  I wanted to be different.

When I realized swearing was everywhere and widely used by all my peers, I made a pact with myself that I would not use them.

People began noticing when I would skip over words while reading aloud, substitute words in a song, or have trouble relaying the exact words someone said.    

I was met with shock and amazement each time I said, “I just don’t use those words.” That only encouraged me to continue in the path I had cut for myself.

I also found curse words to be wildly unprofessional. I prided myself in being a mature individual with high moral standards. Surely a professional adult would not give in to using such low-quality words?

Although those ideas are somewhat outdated, I still hold firm to the belief that they are unprofessional and unbecoming. Although I have little problem with others around me using curse words, I could never imagine myself casually including them in my dialogue as a member of the royal family or the CEO of a company. 

As I matured, my choice to never swear solidified as I learned the significance and power behind words. I did not stop at curse words. I even banned phrases like “it’s killing me” and “I’m dying” from my vocabulary. I substitute words in for any song with lyrics similar to those phrases. I refuse to speak anything other than blessing upon my life. 

It may sound extreme, but when have words ever been anything but extreme? Even when we do not realize it, words carry weight. They live on and go before us. 

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” [Maya Angelou]

From a faith perspective, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21). It’s true. I can easily recall moments when someone’s words made me cry and other times when words made me angry, thankful, or happy. Language is a fundamental element in the emotions we have and perceptions we make.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).

I want my words to represent myself well. To uplift and encourage. To bless myself and those around me. I want to create an environment filled with life and beauty wherever I go. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

So, from me, there are $0 in the swear jar.